Healing Through Kintsugi, a Japanese Tradition, and Embracing Brokenness to Find Wholeness in Grief

A griever who lost a spouse or child loses more than just that person. He or she experiences a list of other losses. Grief also feels like you’re losing a part of yourself, your identity, faith, motivation, joy, energy, sleep, income, trust, friends, and hope. This culmination of grief makes you feel broken. Your life has been shattered into several broken pieces, and you can’t find a way to put yourself back together again so you can continue with your life. For example, if you’re a parent and your child dies, are you still a mother or father? If your sibling dies, are you still a brother or sister to the deceased? Of course, you are. But it doesn’t feel that way.

So how does a griever pick up the broken pieces of him or herself, heal, and become whole again? The best way to explain the process is through a Japanese tradition called Kintsugi. Kintsugi, (golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi, (golden repair) is an art where broken pieces of ceramics are mended back together. The broken pieces are carefully fitted and glued with a special lacquer. Missing chips or larger gaps are filled with a lacquer-clay mixture. A final layer of lacquer is dusted with powdered gold (or silver/platinum), creating shimmering seams along the cracks. 

Kintsugi’s philosophy is to embrace the broken pieces, repair the breakages, and restore you to wholeness. It’s a powerful metaphor for personal growth, accepting flaws, and finding strength through hardship. Its core principles embrace imperfection and reject the idea of disguising damage. It symbolizes healing, strength, and finding beauty in adversity and brokenness, making the repaired emotional pieces often more valuable and beautiful than the original pieces. It also honors the person’s journey and strengthens their character, making each step toward personal growth a work of art. In essence, you’re building a whole new version of yourself and also a new version of your family.

The 8 Stones I created serve the same purpose as Kintsugi in rebuilding a person’s life after grief. They provide a recipe for building a healthier path to manage grief and heal with grace, peace, and harmony. Each Stone is a building block toward becoming a new, whole person. As I mentioned in the introduction, the 8 stones personalize your grief because your grief is your grief. It's your path, and you decide how to design and build it, and how long it will take to finish it. You are in control of your grief, and you get to choose how it will shape the rest of your life.

In the next blog, I will share Charles Gladfelter’s essay, How I Turned the Grief Monster Into an Ally.

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