Stone #7 Restore Peace in Place of Suffering Part II

So how does a griever heal? 

First, it’s important to define what healing is and what it looks like. Some grievers I’ve spoken with prefer to use the word “resolution.” Whatever word you choose to describe the process is not as important as doing the work to heal or resolve the grief. 

Healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering. The moment you begin taking more from grief than it takes from you is the moment you begin to heal and move forward with life. I believe this statement captures a key shift from being consumed by loss to actively rebuilding, finding meaning, and taking action to begin healing. Healing will involve embracing new experiences, connecting with others, and finding compassion, rather than avoiding pain or living in the past. It's about learning to carry sorrow alongside renewed life, transforming grief into wisdom, and growing around the loss. 

In order to start healing, view grief as a process and not a problem. I’d like to use the divorce process as an example.

Like divorce, grief is not a problem to fix. It’s a process in which a person accepts grief without judgment and takes control of their life. That means actively creating space and time for joy, purpose, reconnection, and rebuilding one’s life while the grief is present. In essence, a person is honoring the loss. Not erasing it. Healing involves practicing new methods to carry the love and memories of a loved one as the griever moves forward with life.

A griever can choose to use suffering as a crutch, continue with old habits and stay stuck in grief, or use the suffering as a motivational tool to heal and move forward and build a new, healthier life. Doing so will require work, discipline, and commitment to respond differently. To help you jumpstart your path to healing, here is a common motivational phrase used by motivational speakers to encourage personal growth and change old habits, along with exercises you can practice. 

If you want different, move differently. Old keys will never open new doors. - Anonymous

The quote emphasizes that you must change your actions and mindset, and move differently, to achieve new results and open new doors; old habits won't unlock future possibilities. 

Nick Saban, an ESPN Analyst and widely regarded as the greatest college football coach of all time, offers a compelling quote on the process. Outcomes are a distraction. Focusing on the process you need to follow to achieve the outcome is most important.

Here is a list of exercises I believe will help you replace suffering with peace. 

Morning Meditation. Start your day with a 10-minute meditation. Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. This simple practice sets a calm tone for the day ahead and helps you handle challenges with grace. 

Mindful Walking. Feel the ground beneath your feet, notice the air, and observe nature as you move, transforming exercise into meditation. Walk in a nearby park or garden. Pay attention to the sights, sounds, and smells around you. Connecting with nature will reduce stress and give you a boost of positive energy.

Mindful Breathing Exercises. Find a comfortable, quiet place to sit. Focus on the sensation of your inhales and exhales, feeling your belly and chest rise and fall. Here is a list of some breathing techniques. Pursed-lip breathing. Inhale slowly through your nose for two counts, then exhale gently and slowly pucker your lips for four or more counts to slow down breathing and reduce breathlessness. Belly Breathing. Place one hand on your belly and one on your chest. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand like a balloon. Keep your chest still, then exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly contract. Box or Square Breathing. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, repeat the cycle to find rhythm and calm.

Gratitude Practice. Journal or mentally list things you're thankful for to shift your perspective towards positivity. Journal about your day to process emotions. Writing how you feel is therapeutic and will help you overcome anxiety. Spend a few minutes each day writing down three things you’re grateful for. It will shift your focus to the positive aspects of life, promoting a more optimistic mindset.

Disconnect From Technology and the Media. Take breaks from using your phone, laptop, and other devices. Stop watching and listening to the news, social media, and television for a few days. 

Art Therapy. Turn grief into an art form. Expressing yourself through art allows you to process emotions and cultivate a sense of joy. Choose activities like drawing, painting, or crafting. Two great examples are Preston’s Charm and Kris Munsch’s Birdhouse Project.

Journal and Keep Record of Your Thoughts. This is a good muscle memory exercise for your brain to help you change your mindset, develop better habits, make better decisions, and replace suffering with peace. Each time something unpleasant occurs

that feels like a loss or disappointment, record it. The following week, look back at what you wrote, and below it, write what you learned from it. In the third week, write down a good thing that happened because of that loss or disappointment.

It is not necessary to practice all of the seven exercises. Choose two or three at the beginning, and add more if necessary. What is important is consistency. Schedule the exercises as a daily or weekly routine. Begin with every other day. Or schedule them on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And take the weekend off. 

In the next blog, another fabulous grief essay from a Guest Blogger.