Doing the “Work” to Turn Grief Into an Ally

Here is Bridget Bagley’s story about the passing of Preston's Charm. It is an example of the work it takes to manage grief in a healthier way and to turn it into an ally. 

People who have received or purchased a Charm for their loved one from Bridget Bagley initially view it as magical, believing that simply wearing it or handing it to others will ease their grief. It is not intended to be a “quick fix” and requires time and effort.

When people read or hear that Preston’s Charm has been found in 26 countries, every state in America, 4 islands, and on cruise ships, they expect immediate results. But what people overlook is the time and work Bridget put into making hundreds of Preston’s Charms. Producing each Charm isn’t easy and requires a lot of time, fortitude, and dexterity.

Bridget spent a significant amount of money and thousands of hours cutting cards, laminating them, threading beads and small pieces of jewelry onto strings, attaching them to a key ring, punching holes in the cards, and attaching the beads and jewelry to the cards. There is also the time she spent handing it out to people or leaving it in places. Even more remarkable is the time she spent tracking Preston’s Charms and responding to the hundreds of emails she received from strangers like me. 

Bridget began making Preston’s Charm in March 2019 and started giving it to people and leaving it in places. It wasn’t until February 2020 that she received the first of nine emails offering condolences, messages of support for what she was doing, and an agreement to pass Preston’s Charm to others. 

The first one was from Marcos Chavoya, who found Preston’s Charm on Catalina Island. It was one of the charms Bridget left there during a cruise ship vacation in the Mexican Riviera. Catalina Island was one of the stops on the way to Ensenada. The second email was from Jennifer Lude, who lived in Utah.

In March 2020, Jared Gutman found Preston’s Charm, which had been left by her Aunt Linda, among some of the charms that she had given her. Aunt Linda left it at Penny Pines trailhead along the Pacific Coast Trail. Jared did not take Preston’s Charm with him. He left it on the trail, hoping another hiker might pick it up. 

In September 2020, Bridget received one from Jack Maxwell and one from Wayne Gascon. Jack found the charm at the General Springs cabin off 300 Road in the Coconino National Forest. Jack’s son served in the Marines from 2004 to 2013. He was the first person to carry Preston’s Charm with a purpose in mind. He wanted to finish his walk on the Arizona Trail with Preston’s Charm. Wayne found Preston’s Charm near the Selway River in Idaho. This is the charm left by Bridget’s brother, Richard.

In October 2020, she received an email from Rosan Coyle, who found Preston’s Charm along the river in Pagosa Springs. This charm was left by Bridget’s friend, Mary Valencia, and her husband, Tom, while they traveled through Colorado and Utah. 

In June of 2021, she received an email from Don Pullman, who found Preston’s Charm at Dewey Bridge in Moab, Utah. It was left by Mary and Tom Valencia in October 2020. Don kept it for a short time and then left it at the Island in the Sky campground in La Sal, Utah. Eight months later, in June 2021, Quinn and Carly found Preston’s Charm and took it home with them to Colorado. 

Bridget’s Charm project is just one of many ways to manage grief and turn it into an art form. Another is Kris Munsch's Bird House Project.

Kris lost his 16-year-old son, Blake, who died in a car accident. He is a carpenter and, at one time, taught a wood shop class. To commemorate Blake, he drove across the USA and built and left a birdhouse in every state. He shares a great story about his attempt to build a birdhouse in front of the White House. 

A security officer approached Kris and asked what he was doing with his equipment and wood material. I’m building a birdhouse.

You can’t build it here in front of the White House. Let me show you a place where you can.

After Kris finished building the birdhouse, the security guard returned and said, You can’t leave the birdhouse here. But if I were you, I’d leave it over there. As he pointed to the area. 

How kind of the security officer to practice empathy with Kris.

To embrace grief as an ally doesn’t require a person to make a memento, as Bridget did with Preston’s Charm, or an elaborate project, as Kris did with the birdhouse. What’s more important is to write a personal growth action plan and then commit to acting on it.

Just like each person’s grief is different, so is a person’s personal growth plan. It’s your plan, not anyone else’s plan. It’s about your pain, not someone else’s pain, because only you can control your grief. It’s not fair to ask someone else to control or help you with your grief.

In the next Blog, I will list the key factors crucial to creating a personal growth plan that helps you embrace grief as an ally. And an example from Michelle Ferris, one of the people whose essays are in the Let’s Talk Grief book, which will debut in August or September.