Jamar Gailes' Powerful, Reslient and Inspirational Grief Story

At the Family Academy’s National Empowered & Resilient Families Conference in Houston, Texas, earlier this month I had the pleasure and honor of meeting an amazing and remarkable man, husband, and father, Jamar Gailes. Gailes is a decorated Lieutenant Colonel and 28-year military veteran, a Bronze Star recipient, and a senior federal leader currently serving in a national leadership role at the Centers for Disease Control.

Jamar lost his wife, Jennifer Kirk Gailes, on April 1, 2020, at age 43. She is survived by Jamar and their two children, Abram and Kyndall.

Before Jennifer passed away, the Gailes were grieving the loss of a normal life. Jennifer had been wrestling with lupus and was one of the 10–30% of lupus patients who experience kidney failure and require a kidney transplant. While she was waiting for her kidney donor, Jamar and Jennifer’s oldest son, Abram, was also diagnosed with lupus at age 12 and needed a kidney transplant.

In February of 2020, in Alexandria, Louisiana, where the Gailes lived, Abram went into cardiac arrest and almost died. During his recovery, he was diagnosed with lupus and experienced kidney failure. The doctor immediately transported him by helicopter to a hospital in New Orleans, Louisiana, where he would receive the proper kidney dialysis treatment. And now he also needed a kidney transplant.

While Jamar stayed with Abram in New Orleans throughout his recovery, Jennifer continued working and cared for Kyndall in Alexandria.

Several weeks later, Jamar received a telephone call from Jennifer. The doctor had found a kidney match for her. Jennifer immediately flew to Dallas, Texas, for the kidney transplant and left their daughter, Kyndall, with relatives. Jamar couldn’t accompany Jennifer because he needed to be with Abram in New Orleans.

Jennifer’s kidney transplant was a success. But sadly, a few days later, she developed medical complications and passed away on April 1, 2020, at Parkland Hospital in Dallas, Texas.

Jamar received the news of Jennifer’s passing while he was at the hospital in New Orleans, caring for Abram. Jamar had the heartwrenching task of not telling Abram and Kyndall that their mother had passed away for several days. He decided it was best to wait until Abram fully recovered and returned home to Alexandria, where he would share the news together with Kyndall. He called his pastor and asked him if he could schedule a day and time to share the news with his children of their mother’s death at the church. The pastor said "Yes." In attendance with Jamar, Abram and Kyndall were the pastor and several family members.

There is a lot more to Jamar’s story, and I highly recommend you read his book, “Loving 42: A Mother’s Prayer, A Son’s Journey, A Father’s Strength.”

Below the photo of Jamar's book cover is an excerpt from his book that I included in the upcoming “Let’s Talk Grief” book.

Parents of children with special needs, like people who have lost a loved one, often ask, “Why?”

The uncomfortable truth is that there is no answer to the question of why. However, I feel Jamar Gailes shares an explanation that will provide some comfort.

“I thought blessings worked like math. You do the right things, you pray the right prayers, and life gives you the right outcomes. We were faithful, grateful, and good. So why would anything go wrong? 

But faith isn’t a shield against suffering, and blessings aren’t bargaining chips. Life doesn’t play by our rules. 

Where do you see God when the laughter fades, when the warmth turns cold, when the answers you desperately pray for don’t come? Where do you find God when life stops being funny and starts feeling cruel? 

These are the questions I never thought I’d have to ask. They weren’t part of the plan. But life doesn’t care about your plans; it has its own script, and sometimes it feels like God goes quiet right when you need Him to speak the loudest.”

I’ve invited Jamar to submit an essay for the upcoming “Let’s Talk Grief” book. I’m looking forward to reading and including it in the book. I also bought and read his book.

To read and learn more about Jamar Gailes, visit his Facebook Page or website at www.jamarlgailes.com.

Thank you, Jamar, for sharing your, powerful, resilient and inspirational grief story!